For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a compulsive over-thinker and worry-wart. I can't help it.
ANYWAY, I am a lonely person. Not in the sense that I hate life and hate being alone, that is not the point. I do rather enjoy my alone time (hence what I'm writing as of this moment). I love my husband dearly and I love spending every moment with him. I don't know what I'd do without him. Life is so good right now.
I'm lonely in the sense that I am lonely for my girl friends from high school. I know that now I'm in the "married life"; I'm supposed to up and move on, get used to not being overly social with people outside of my immediate family. I also am very aware that I haven't gone to high school in 2 years and that we grow up and go in our own directions. Still, I am a young 20 year old, who's majority of good friends she had growing up are on a completely separate wavelength. They are all going to their respective universities, living the dorm/roommate life, experiencing college in its fullest.
Then you have me, who jumped 5 years forward into being a wife, working to help support our little family, looking at houses to buy soon, wondering when we'll start having kids, etc. It's as if there is this invisible barrier, and the only glimpse have into their world is Facebook and Instagram.
I'm certain that majority of the blame is on me, I am not very good at keeping up with people and staying involved anymore. I used to be very talented at that actually, but now I am the kind of person who thinks they can get away with going months without speaking with someone and then pick it up right where we left off as if time had never passed (Partly because I have been able to get away with that with the 2 girls I've known since forever, Malia Malo and Rachel Crowe).
Then again, let's be honest, I left high school with very few friends I had started out with in the first place. I guess you could I say I was a "real peach" back then.
I want to see my friends, I really do. I am very interested in what's going in their lives, regardless if it's dumb or insignificant. How are classes going? Dating anyone? Are you still a music major? These are all legitimate questions I have, but cannot bring myself to ask. Maybe I'm afraid they don't want to talk to me. Maybe they'll think I'm boring. Maybe I'm worried that I won't be able to relate to anyone because I am in such a different stage of life than they are.
OR MAYBE I'M JUST AWKWARD. That. That could definitely be a contributing factor.
As I think about all of this at once, this chaotic mess that's been shoved in a loony bin and then stuffed in a barrel full of monkeys, I realize that it's actually going to be okay. I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything. Words cannot describe how happy I am with my life currently and where it is going. I like this "adult" vibe I've got going on. I feel mature. Responsible, even.
Eh, that may be a stretch. I'm getting there.
The point is, if I want to reach out to someone, then I should do it. Stop contemplating every scenario and outcome and move on with it. Stop being a Knuckle-head McSpazatron.
You get out what you put in, right?
I am so deep sometimes I should win a Nobel Prize or something, I swear.
SO. Shout out to all my gal pals from Desert Ridge High School. We should get lunch. Let's all catch up because it has been WAY too long.
